


Brighter Than Anyone

by ditzymax



Category: K-pop, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Angst, Bullying, Creampie, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Light Dirty Talk, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Profanity, Slight Soft Dom!Jisung, Slow Burn, Unprotected Penetrative Sex, mentions of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28242831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ditzymax/pseuds/ditzymax
Summary: An opportunity arises for you to see your childhood best friend years after the friendship was broken. By now, you thought it had dwindled away entirely, and you certainly wouldn’t blame him for wanting to keep the door closed on that part of your lives. You’ll settle for supporting him again from a distance, but maybe there’s still a chance for something more.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Reader
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

The first time you saw him, he was losing a fight he had no hope of winning. Not when he was outnumbered four to one.

You didn’t know the boys who were laughing in a circle around him - you didn’t know _anyone_ at your new school yet - but no one else on the playground seemed willing to help him, so you stomped over and shoved the obvious ringleader of the bullies with all your might.

It was at the moment when he hit the concrete and you were calling him a dickhead that one of the teachers finally came over, just in time for you to take the blame for the entire scene because she had missed everything that had led to your vulgar language and physical violence.

That stunt earned you detention on your first day of third grade, and the boy you had helped wasn’t even grateful for your intervention. His exact words were that he didn’t need you to defend him. Those were his first words to you, the first words spoken to you from any of your new classmates.

At the time, you thought it was because he was a boy and you were a girl and he didn’t want a girl to fight his battles for him. Typical stupid boy behavior, in your opinion. Later, you’d realize he apparently didn't need anyone for anything.

You didn’t necessarily _learn_ much about him over the next few weeks, but you observed a lot. In hindsight, you guess that was the same thing.

He sat alone in the lunch room every day. He was always in the back corner of the classroom. He never talked or engaged with anyone. But he was smart. _“Bright,”_ the teachers always called him. He was always the first to complete a test. He answered questions correctly when called upon in class, even if his answers were shy and mumbled.

It was a month before you spoke to him directly. You approached him on the playground once again, this time _after_ the bullies had skulked off to find one of their other favorite targets. The exact word wasn’t in your vocabulary yet, but you guessed they were feeling magnanimous toward him that day.

“Why do you let them do that?” you asked him.

He briefly glanced in your direction. “Do what?”

“Bully you.”

“I don’t let them,” he grumbled to the ground. You remember watching him pick at some loose strands on his gray sweatshirt after he’d pulled the sleeve down over his scuffed elbow.

“You don’t try to stop them,” you counter-argued, sure that he would recognize it was essentially the same thing. He was smart, after all. But he only shrugged and walked away without another word.

The other friends you had made by then had noticed how much you watched him and were at a loss to understand why. You didn’t really know either. Perhaps it was the initial rejection he had hit you with that made you all the more determined to get him to warm up to you. At just eight years old, you already knew you did not care for the taste of defeat, and you were determined to make that bright, stupid boy your friend, especially since it was obvious he did not have any.

It was two months before you got his name from his own mouth (though you had already learned it long ago from the morning roll call). Again, the circumstance was spawned by the usual circus of asshole clowns. You had just watched them swipe all the good bits from his lunch before you slid down the cafeteria table’s bench and passed him a plastic baggy of your favorite chips. He looked like he wanted to refuse the gesture straight away out of some sort of stupid-boy-principle, but then he did something you’d never seen him do with anyone before: he looked you in the eye.

In that suspended moment, it felt like his gaze lasted as long as you’d known him, like he was making up for all the time you had spent watching him. But after what was probably only two seconds, he ducked his head again, thanked you, and pinched a handful out of the bag.

“My name’s ___,” you mentioned, though he probably already knew, too.

You wanted him to look at you again and prove the first time wasn’t a fluke, but he didn't. He did, however, reply: “Jisung.”

* * *

**_Present Day_ **

Everything is working against you today. The traffic lights clearly plotted to make your morning commute extra frustrating, the lid on your coffee cup decided to pull a prank and stain your favorite blouse, and now your computer has decided to play dumb and forget your login info.

“Fuck me,” you grumble after your fifth failed attempt to sign in.

A co-worker walks by in the midst of your little dilemma and smiles in sympathy. “Something wrong, ___?”

You look up at him and sigh. “Oh, just can’t get into my computer for some reason. It was fine yesterday…”

“Here, may I?”

You roll your chair back to give him some room while he commandeers your mouse and keyboard. It takes him a few clicks and keystrokes to diagnosis the problem, but eventually he’s confident enough to say, “Okay, try now.”

Scooting forward again, you re-enter your login info, this time with success. “Oh my gosh, Wonwoo, you are a lifesaver!” you gush, thankful to finally have something go right today.

“I do what I can,” he chuckles. He folds his arms across his chest and leans against the wall of your cubicle, clearly not headed for his own just yet. “Hey, uh, do you any plans this weekend?”

In your flustered state from running behind this morning, you almost don’t hear his question. He has to say your name questioningly before his words sink in and you tear your eyes away from your missed emails. “Hm? Oh, this weekend? Um, no, I don’t have anything planned.”

“Well, there’s this band coming to town that I’ve been dying to see, and I have an extra ticket, if you’re interested?” There is a sense of hope in his tone that you’re not quite sure how to react to.

You like Wonwoo. He’s a good co-worker; he’s punctual and polite and level-headed, he’s competent at his job and good at solving problems, as he so helpfully showcased for you again just now. And you have to admit he’s quite handsome. But this is the first time he’s ever shown interest in seeing you outside of work. He’s always been friendly towards you, but it’s not like the two of you are close or share anything personal with each other. He doesn’t even know what type of music you like, which only adds to your confusion over his impromptu invitation.

Wonwoo notices your hesitation and quickly says, “Hey, I’m sorry to make you feel awkward. We can forget I asked.”

“No,” you smile and shake your head, “I’m not saying ‘no.’ I think that could be fun. Which band is it?”

He tells you the name, and you confess you haven’t heard of them.

“I’ll I.M. you their website when I get back to my desk so you can check it out and let me know if it really does sound like something you’d be interested in, how’s that?”

“Sure, Wonwoo, thanks.”

His message doesn’t come until the early afternoon, along with an apology for taking so long because that’s the type of polite person he is. When you open the website, a banner of the band members adorns the top of the page, and right there in the center is him...

Han Jisung.

The man who used to be your best friend.

* * *

_Copyright © 2020 ditzymax. All rights reserved._


	2. Chapter 2

Jisung was screwed and he hadn’t even seen it coming. He _should_ have seen it coming because he knew he was better than this, but somehow he’d let you corner him and he could find no way out.

“Checkmate in… three moves, I think?” you predicted, and he could not even blame you for the smug tone. You’d never once beaten him at chess and he knew this victory had to be sweet.

He sighed and pushed his King onto a square that would only delay the inevitable. Sure enough, three moves later, he had to admit it was over and toppled his trapped King down in defeat.

“Finally! I _finally_ beat the smartest kid in school!” you gloated, pumping your fists in their air excitedly.

Jisung smiled. He couldn’t help it. You’d inadvertently complimented him, and it was not lost on him. He heard - he listened to - every word you ever said.

“Yeah, yeah, that was a good one,” he conceded. “Good job.”

You helped him clear the pieces and put the board away, then asked, “Now what do you wanna do?”

“Um, I don’t know… I still have that homework for Mr. Park’s class to do.”

“Oh, me too, but I didn’t bring it with me. I should probably go home soon anyway though.”

“Really? You can stay longer, unless your parents mind.”

You shrugged and checked the alarm clock by his bed. “I don’t think they mind, I’ve just been here, like, all day.”

“That’s because you like hanging out with me,” Jisung teased.

He expected you to say something snarky or sarcastic in return. The two of you were close, but it had been years since you had pushed Damien and called him a dickhead on the playground, which was the single nicest thing you - or _any_ kid in school - had ever done for him. Well, that and the first time you shared your lunch with him.

Since then, it had been nothing but constant teasing and competition, but not in the bullying way Jisung had always experienced before he met you. There was no judgment, no malice with you. You seemed to genuinely enjoy his company; you just tempered it a bit, like you were trying not to make it too obvious.

But instead of teasing him in that instant, you surprised him by openly admitting it out loud. “Yeah, I do. It’s fun. I really like you, Jisung.”

* * *

**_Present Day_ **

If Jisung had to choose his favorite physical feature about you, it would be your lips. The way they curled when you were genuinely happy. The way you’d purse them whenever you got deep in thought. And if he had to choose his favorite thing in _general_ about you, it would be your way with words.

Though your words were what had driven the two of you apart in the end.

Or maybe it was _his_ words.

Regardless, it’s an automatic reaction when he reads and re-reads your text over and over: his heart feels lighter and heavier all at once, like the nature of a balloon fighting against a weight. He’s comforted to see your name after all this time, but the crack in his chest that never fully healed opens into a pit of apprehension.

> _Hey Jisung, it’s ___. I’m not even sure if you still have this number and I understand that you probably don’t want to talk to me, but I just wanted to let you know I saw that you’ll be in town Sunday. That’s amazing. I’m going to the show._

“You’re staring at your phone pretty hard there, dude.”

Jisung snaps his head up at his bandmate’s voice. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I just- it’s someone from my past. I haven’t talked to her in… ages.”

“Ex-girlfriend?” Chan asks, his tone carrying a teasing lilt, like he expects some juicy news. From another corner of the room, their bassist takes an interest in the conversation and lifts his head from his instrument.

Jisung shakes his head and mutters, “No,” but does not elaborate on that front. “She says she’s coming to our show on Sunday.”

“Oh cool,” Chan chirps brightly. “You should make sure she has good tickets, if you care.”

The way he says it is innocent enough. Jisung can tell he’s just trying to look out for a friend of a friend. But the words weed into that crack inside him, winding down into his stomach uncomfortably.

_Does_ he still care?

Surely _you_ still care, at least on some level, if you’re reaching out to him like this. Why else would you?

_That’s amazing,_ you said, right there in black and white, which is much different from what you’d told him the last time the two of you spoke. Are you proud of him? If you are, it’s probably only because he’s proved you wrong.

Jisung is comfortable with the success and growth of his career. He knows he doesn’t need your approval, and that’s basically what he’d told you back then, too. But to have the slightest sense that you might be on his side again… he can’t deny how validating it feels.

_…you probably don’t want to talk to me…_

He does, though. Despite it all, he desperately does. He wants to rub everything in your face; maybe only in the old teasing way he used to whenever he beat you at games when the two of you were kids, maybe in a malicious way. He’s not sure. But he also wants to tell you he understands where you were coming from back then like he should have at the time.

He doesn’t know anymore if it would be petty or justified of him to reply with something like, _“Yeah, I am, but I’m not interested in seeing you,”_ but he does know it would be dishonest, at least on the latter part.

So with a gut feeling guiding him, he texts back:

> _You should know by now I’m never changing this number as long as I live. Send me your ticket info, I’ll get you a better one._

* * *

_Copyright © 2020 ditzymax. All rights reserved._


	3. Chapter 3

_Damn that Lee fucking Minho,_ you cursed silently. It was harder than you thought it would be to walk, hold on to your shoes, and keep Jisung upright all at once.

He was no help, and he was not upset or apologetic about it, either. In fact, you distinctly remember how he laughed delightfully from his slumped stance against your shoulder, and how you made a face at the way his breath reeked.

“___, w-wait… Where are we go..ing? Night’s still y-young,” Jisung slurred slowly, as though just then realizing the setting around him had changed. If Minho hadn’t talked him into doing so many shots, he would have recognized where the two of you were.

“The night is _over_ , dude. At least for you. _Oof_ -” You stumbled and almost fell on the sidewalk when Jisung hit a crack in the concrete with his useless feet. He dropped to his knees and burst into another fit of laughter. You automatically smiled at his glee but also rolled your eyes. “Get your ass up, Han, I swear to god…”

That got his laughter to stop; he knew you only called him that when you were annoyed with him. “No,” he grumbled, swinging his arms defiantly but with no clear intention. “Why are we out here? Why’d we leave Hyunjin’s party? I wanna go back to the drinks and d-dancing…”

He certainly came a long way from eating alone in the lunch room every day.

You stopped trying to get control of one of his arms and groaned in utter annoyance and defeat. “I’m not dealing with this, I’m calling Kara,” you sighed. You had tried to spare her the hassle because she hadn’t wanted to come out tonight in the first place, but by that point you were more than willing to get his girlfriend involved.

“Nooo!” Jisung hugged his flailing arms around your legs pitifully. His emotions were pendulating all over the place. “Don’t want her to see me-” His words were interrupted by a belch that you scoffed in disgust over. “-see me like this.” He tried to grab your phone but ended up with one of your heels from the wrong hand instead.

“That’s too bad. I’m not the only one who has to deal with the burden of you anymore and I’m taking full advantage of that,” you stated flatly. You were just about to press Kara’s name in your contacts before Jisung finally scrambled to his feet and snatched your phone away.

“You mean the _p-privilege_ of me,” he stuttered with a stupid grin. Then, as a moment of panic set in, he said, “Oh shit, my parents-”

“It’s fine, we’re going to _my_ house,” you explained with some patience finally. You were just happy he was on his feet again.

“Oh. Oh, okay. Cool.”

After that, Jisung had been much more willing to go along with your guidance. It was a miracle the two of you were able to get inside without waking your own parents. You just hoped sobriety would return his wits in the morning and turn him back into someone bright enough to either leave before they woke up or at least make a pleasant entrance at breakfast.

He fell to the couch in your basement with a solid thud and let you help him remove his shoes. He even drank the water you gave him without a fuss. You considered trying to get him to brush his teeth as well but gave it up as too much of a hassle in his state.

“Alright, you know where I’ll be if you need anything, but you better not because I don’t want you trying to take these stairs again,” you muttered once he’d been tended to. Your pocket had been buzzing on and off for the last fifteen minutes and you knew it was your boyfriend trying to check up on you after your hasty departure from the party. He knew what you were doing, but he didn’t know yet that you’d made it home safely. You needed to call him back and at least send a text to Kara as well because you doubted Jisung would remember to.

“___?” Jisung called.

You paused halfway up the steps and peered over the railing at him. “Yeah?”

He wasn’t looking at you, and he already sounded half asleep when he said, “What would I do without you?”

You didn’t answer that, but you smiled and replied, “Love you too, Jisung.”

* * *

**_Present Day_ **

Wonwoo is right on time, which is expected, and you do appreciate it, but to be honest, you could have used a little more time to prepare. Mentally, that is.

Now that you’re stepping out of your front door and getting into his car, it’s fully dawning on you that you are actually going to see Jisung again. Not face-to-face, but still in person, and the prospect is daunting.

He was more than pleasant enough when he responded to your message - it was a pleasant surprise that he deigned to reply at _all_ \- but he very well could have upgraded your tickets just to sneer down at you condescendingly from the stage when he finally sets eyes on you again. Or maybe he won’t even look at you at all. Maybe he just wanted to make sure that _you_ are able to see _him_ while he flaunts his success. You’re not sure which would hurt worse, or why you’re even setting yourself up for a second heartbreak.

But as you make idle chat with your co-worker - who is completely oblivious to your inner turmoil and positively _elated_ by the upgraded tickets you were able to “score” - from the passenger seat, you realize it’s because you _have_ to see Jisung again, even just to witness him flaunt the fact that he has achieved exactly what you didn’t believe he could.

You don’t know what kind of closure you’re expecting tonight, or if you’ll even get it, but you suppose you’ll find out soon.

* * *

_Copyright © 2020 ditzymax. All rights reserved._


	4. Chapter 4

The summer after his first year of college was the most sweltering one Jisung had ever experienced, and of course the air conditioner in his first piece of shit car chose _that_ time to finally call it quits. His passengers griped about it, of course, but they found plenty of other things to talk about during the road trip as well. Felix sat beside him in the front of the rattly used sedan while his girlfriend sat in the back with you.

The trip was Kara’s idea. She wanted to get your mind off your breakup with Lucas before the fall semester started.

Well, first she had tried consoling you with words, telling you things like, _“I don’t know any long-lasting couple who hasn’t broken up once in their relationship,”_ and then, after it was clear you and Lucas were never getting back together, she told you, _“You were way too good for him anyway.”_

Then she decided action was better than words, and for three days straight she’d been making it a bit too obvious she wanted _Felix_ to be your “action.” Felix could see what she was playing at, but he didn’t seem to mind. He went right along with it, and so did you. Jisung didn’t know what “master plan” Kara had in mind with her match-making exactly, but if her goal was to get you and Felix to hook up - even just once - he predicted her plan would be a success.

“Wait, everyone shut up for a minute,” Jisung exclaimed at one point, turning up the radio. “I love this song.” He proceeded to belt out the lyrics, and everyone - including himself - laughed when it turned out he couldn’t remember some parts.

“Ah, Jisungie has such a nice voice, doesn’t he?” Kara praised from behind him. She reached over and tugged his ear affectionately.

“He really does,” you agreed, and Jisung knew you weren’t just humoring her. You’d been telling him for years how much you liked his voice, even when Damien was still belittling him in seventh grade for thinking it was “too high-pitched.”

While Jisung always appreciated his sweet girlfriend’s compliments, it was always _your_ words he took to heart, whether you knew it or not.

* * *

**_Present Day_ **

Jisung still hasn’t managed to master the stage fright before a show, but he’ll forgive himself tonight because it’s different this time. He can hear the crowd growing restless out there, but tonight there is only one fan in particular twisting the butterflies in his stomach like marionettes.

_Fan._ He nearly laughs out loud over the word.

You _had_ been a fan of him for many years, though. You’d proved it to him again and again countless times.

Are you here tonight to prove once again that you still are?

Did you even really come?

Surely you must be here. When he insisted on getting you a better ticket, you’d asked him for another one as well. You were coming with someone else. He couldn’t bring himself to ask you if it was a date, though. It shouldn’t matter to him, and you don’t owe it to him to answer that, anyway.

Jisung sighs, adjusts the guitar strap on his shoulder and proceeds to the platform that will lift him onto the stage as a member of the stage crew begins reciting the countdown. His band members take their places on their own respective platforms - Changbin with his bass draped across his back for now and Chan with his drumsticks in hand.

It’s nearly pitch black for the moment, but Jisung closes his eyes anyway to steel himself when the platform starts to rise, fidgeting with the pick in his fingers. His heart is threatening to take permanent residence in his throat, and he panics that he won’t be able to sing a single lyric.

The platform halts, the lights come on, and his pupils adjust to the burning glow. He can see the stage at his feet and a sea of buzzing heads extending beyond. He instantly snaps his attention to where you should be, but you’re not there.

The butterflies in his stomach burn to ash.

He’s supposed to be moving already, but he’s frozen as he takes the time to scan the entire row of fans because now he can’t remember which tickets he gave you and he’s worried he overlooked you and maybe he doesn’t even recognize the face he’d grown so accustomed to seeing every day for years because now it’s _been_ years since the last time he’s seen it and-

There you are. Beaming brightly at him as though you were just telling him yesterday how proud you are of him. You bring your hands up to your mouth when you notice that he’s found you, but the radiance of your smile is still evident all over your face. Your beautifully, wonderfully familiar face.

It’s silent. It’s just the two of you here in the entire venue, maybe the entire city.

It’s an automatic reaction. Jisung’s nerves dissolve. He’s calm as he steps up to his mic stand and opens his mouth, gaze still fixated on the brightest thing in the room.

* * *

_Copyright © 2021 ditzymax. All rights reserved._


	5. Chapter 5

He just would _not_ grasp your reasoning. To this day, you’re not sure he even tried, but you’re not sure if you blame him anymore, either.

He wasn’t thinking clearly. He’d been on an uncharacteristic rebellious streak. Kara had just broken up with him after rumors got back to her about Jisung cheating on her at some party you didn’t even know about. You’d been ready to stand by him and deny them all, but he confessed to both of you that they were true. You were probably even more stunned than she was.

She left him. Cut ties with him completely, from what you could tell. You did not blame her.

You stayed. Tried to understand and help him. You had to.

Jisung didn’t think of it that way, though. _“Kicking him while he was down,”_ is exactly what he called what you were doing, in fact.

“Jisung, you’re literally less than a year away from getting your degree. You really want to drop out and throw that away? That’ll be such a waste of time and money,” you argued.

“You think I don’t already know that?” he snipped at you. You’d never heard such venom in his voice. “You sound just like my fucking parents right now. But it’s not their choice, and it’s not yours, either. It’s mine.”

“I know it’s your choice, but don’t you think you’re being a bit hasty about it?”

“Look, I know I can do this. I just need to focus on putting all my energy into it and not-”

“What you _need_ to do is finish the degree you’ve already put three years into! That way you’ll at least have a backup plan if this music thing fails. Part of that is just sheer luck, you know? It doesn’t always matter how talented you are. Who knows if you’ll get discovered by the right people and get that _‘big break’_ or whatever. At least with your degree, you’re pretty much guaranteed to have a career in life.”

Jisung whirled on you then. If you think about it now - and you often do - your tongue still dries up from the fury on his face.

“ _Life_ ,” he repeated bitterly. “Yeah, that’s exactly what this is about: _my life_ , ___. And you just can’t stop yourself from butting into it, can you? You can’t fucking help yourself! Why do you have to get involved? Why should you have a say in anything I choose to do?!”

You were completely taken aback by his choice of words. You hadn’t seen it that way. You had always thought he _wanted_ your input. Why else would he have told you he was suddenly dropping out of college and starting a band? Did he expect you to just nod and agree and _not_ bring up logical faults in his plan? Logical alternatives?

“Wh-what? Jisung, I-I just-”

He cut you off before you could say anything more. “No, I don’t want to hear any more of the _‘___-thinks-she-knows-best-for-Jisung’_ chronicles. I’m fucking sick of it. Please, just leave me alone and let me make a decision on my own for once, alright?”

You thought you had already experienced your first major heartbreak in life by then, but it hurt so much more to watch him walk out the door that day.

* * *

**_Present Day_ **

It’s only after you’ve returned home and said good night to Wonwoo that you notice a missed call and three quick, separate texts from Jisung.

> _Are you alone?  
>  Can I see you tonight?  
> Please_

Your heart races.

There had been a moment when the two of you first locked eyes earlier tonight that gave you hope that maybe he doesn’t completely resent you, but you didn’t expect to see him face-to-face tonight - maybe ever again.

Too nervous to dial him and try to speak, you simply text him your address and hope you’ll have composed yourself by the time he arrives.

Forty minutes later, there is a knock on your door, and there he stands.

You spent the entire concert watching him, but now you take the time to really study him up close. He looks mostly the same as you remember. Expressive eyes and beautiful cheekbones. Slim, but there might be a bit of muscle lining his arms now. There’s a hat covering his dark hair, but it’s still the same shade you remember. His cologne is unfamiliar, but his presence is still overwhelmingly, heart-achingly home.

He smiles softly and breaks the silent tension first with a simple: “Hi.”

You swallow and can’t find your voice for a moment. You have to pull it up from somewhere deep in your bones just to manage: “Hi. Come in.”

Jisung steps inside and you gesture for him to make himself comfortable on the couch. He makes a polite comment about liking your place, and you thank him. He also casually asks about the person you needed the second ticket for tonight, and you tell him the truth about it being for a co-worker whose idea it was to invite you in the first place.

“Are you guys… you know, more than co-workers?” he asks as a follow-up.

You shake your head. “No, it’s not like that.”

Jisung nods, and it could be your imagination, but you think you see his shoulders relax a little.

Before he can get into whatever he _really_ wanted to come here and say to you tonight, you have to tell him, “You were amazing tonight. Really. You’re a great showman. And your voice has only gotten better.”

“Oh,” he breathes out a small laugh, “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

You want to add more to help get across the sincerity of your words, but you can’t think of anything substantial enough, so you sit quietly and wait for him to lead the conversation instead. You’ll take whatever he has to say, whether you’re ready for it or not.

After a while, Jisung finally begins, “I’ve wanted to say a million things to you since… since the last time we talked, but now I can’t think of a single one.” He laughs again quietly in embarrassment.

You nod in understanding. “I can’t think of much either, except how sorry I am.”

“You don’t have to say that, ___-”

“Yes I do.” You hate to interrupt him, but you have to because the thoughts are flooding into mind now and you have to spit them out before you drown. “I didn’t support you when you needed me the most, and I’m so fucking sorry for that.”

“Well that’s what I thought was that you weren’t supporting me. That’s why it hurt so much.” The gesture is slow and hesitant, but Jisung places a hand on your knee, coaxing you to look at him. His coffee-tinted eyes waver back and forth between yours. “But you _did_ support me. You always did. Literally the first time we met, you were supporting me, and I wasn’t kind about it. But you didn’t give up on me, did you?”

You crack a smile. “I was just stubborn about getting you to like me.”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“I guess. But now I think it was my stubbornness that fucked everything up.”

“ _I_ was the one who gave up, and I shouldn’t have. As sorry as you must be, I promise you I’m sorry, too. I said some hurtful things and I regret it. If I hadn’t given up and walked away, we probably would have been able to get over that fight a long time ago.”

“It was a big one, though,” you mumble, giving him the easy excuse. “The biggest one we’d ever had.”

“It was stupid. Our friendship was bigger.”

“Bigger than your livelihood?” you scoff. “No way, Jisung. You were right to give up on someone who was holding you back from doing what you wanted.”

“I can’t say I regret going against your advice,” he admits. “I mean, I _am_ essentially living the dream right now.” He pauses and looks away from you, absentmindedly running his thumb back and forth against your knee in thought before continuing, “But it doesn’t feel right because of how we left things between us. It doesn’t feel right without you in my life anymore. I’ve told myself a million times that I only got to where I am now because I did it without you, but seeing you in the crowd tonight… I realize I _didn’t_ , ___.” He faces you again when he says your name and smiles wanly. “If I didn’t have your friendship, who the hell knows where I’d be right now. I don’t know, maybe we _had_ to hurt each other for everything else to happen. Maybe literally everything really does happen for a reason. I just hope I leave here tonight on better terms with you this time because I don’t know if you know this, ___, but you were my best friend, and I’m stupidly in love with you. And after all this time - after everything - I don’t want anything to change that. Can you ever forgive me?”

Your throat constricts to the point where you doubt it will ever loosen again, but you manage to croak a weak-sounding but utterly sincere: “Of course I forgive you.”

You barely feel the tug before he has both arms wrapped around you. You shudder as the dam breaks, and he lets you sob into the crook of his neck.

“It’s okay, ___,” he murmurs, stroking the back of your head. “Everything’s okay now, I promise.”

“I’ve missed you so much,” you blubber. The words probably sound hollow to him, but you mean them with all your heart.

“I’m sorry. I’ve missed you, too. So much.”

When your sobs slow to sniffling breaths, he takes your face between his calloused fingers and peels you away from the wet spot you’ve created on his neck and his shirt collar. You stare at it sorrowfully for a moment until he tilts your chin to look him in the face again. His eyes are shimmering, too, but he’s smiling when he asks, “Can I kiss you?”

You nod and whisper, “Yes,” but he still pauses a few times on the course of leaning in, gaze flicking between your eyes and lips. You’re not sure if he’s nervous or just giving you time to change your mind and back out, but you’ve waited long enough, so you meet him the rest of the way.

Jisung hums when your lips connect, a short half-note filled with all the contentment in the world, and you wonder if he’s thinking the same thing you are: _Finally._

But the timing wasn’t right before. The kiss is made all the sweeter, all the more impactful, _because_ of the shared heartbreak you went through. A fleeting thought of something Jisung’s first girlfriend, of all people, once said to you crosses your mind: _“I don’t know any legitimate couple who hasn’t broken up once in their relationship.”_ She was only trying to console you back then, but maybe it’s truer than you initially believed.

Jisung’s touch on your face draws your attention back to savor the present with him, and you angle yourself deeper into the kiss with a happy sigh. Your lips momentarily withdraw as you slide onto his lap, and you catch a glimpse of a darker haze in his eyes before you kiss him again. A gentle flick of your tongue against his bottom lip is enough to open them. He lets out a different sound when you caress his tongue with yours, something far less innocent from deeper in his throat. The passion in the kisses rises as the hunger catches up to both of you. You rut forward to get even closer to him and he moves his hands to your hips in approval.

“Are we really-” Jisung begins, then he adjusts the question to, “Do you want this too?”

“Yes, Jisung, please,” you plea quietly.

“Holy fuck, okay, give me a second.” When he reaches down between the two of you, you think he’s going to pull his dick out right then, but he simply adjusts the strain of the growing bulge, then puts his hands on your waist and takes a steadying breath. “Let me just- act like I’ve done this before.”

“What?” you laugh before you can stop yourself. “You _have_ , though.”

“No, I know, but it’s _you_ , ___. It’s us. I have to make this good. I don’t want to do this here on the couch though. Take me to the bedroom?”

You’re not sure where to start with what he’s just said, but the way he inflects the last part as question makes your heart swell.

There is no way you could deny him, so you get to your feet and reach to take his hand. His knuckles fit comfortably between yours as you lead him into your bedroom. It’s pretty dark with just the moon and streetlights glowing in from outside, but you decide to leave the lights off.

Jisung does not complain or even mention it; he just takes a seat when you bring him to the edge of the bed, and you resume your position on his lap. He hums again when you pick up where you left off. You kiss him slower this time, relishing the way it feels to have his mouth against yours and the way he responds and adjusts to let you alternate between pulling at his bottom lip and then the top.

Carefully, you lean your weight forward until he lies down. He cradles your face in his hands again and says, “You’re even more beautiful than I remember, you know that? You’re so gorgeous, ___.”

For a second, you think of making a teasing remark about how he can barely even see you right now, but he sounds so sincere that you decide to just accept the direct compliment. You even return it. “You’re beautiful too, Jisung. You always have been.”

He smiles into your next kiss, then shivers when you glide your lips along his jawline and down to his neck. You nip at his skin with your teeth, and his breath hitches when the sensuality rushes to his head.

He helps you knock his hat away and peel off his shirt, and he trembles again when your fingers brush across the planes of his bare chest. You press kisses there, too, gradually trailing down his firm stomach until your lips meet the waistband of his pants. Amidst his heavy breaths, you can almost hear him gulp when your nose brushes against his covered erection. You kiss it through the fabric and feel the sensitive bulge grow and harden even more from your gentle touch.

When you start unbuckling his belt, Jisung tilts his hips up to let you pull the leather free and keeps them there while you open his jeans to pull them down his legs along with his underwear. You giggle to yourself when you realize you’d forgotten about his shoes, and he giggles back as he helps kick off the last of his clothes.

“Eager?” he teases you.

You take his hands in yours as you crawl back over him, pinning them on each side of his head on the mattress. “Says the one who knows he’s about to get sucked off.”

“Fuck, I _didn’t_ know that, actually.”

“Is that okay?” you check.

“Are you kidding? That sounds amazing. Let me eat you out while you do it, though? Wanna taste you, too.”

Again, he so sweetly phrases it into another offer you can’t refuse.

You reconnect your lips and tongues briefly before pulling away to remove your own clothes. Jisung sits up on his elbows to watch patiently, and once you’re naked, he drinks in your form as best he can in the limited light. You stand there and let him stare at you. Admire you. The adoration radiates from him wordlessly.

Then something curious happens: he chuckles.

He doesn’t laugh in delight or giggle with glee, he _chuckles_.

“I’m sorry,” he says quickly, reaching to take your wrist in one hand and place his other on the small of your back. The touch of his fingers on your bare skin is electrifying. “I’m not laughing at you, I promise. I’m just- I can’t believe we’re doing this. I’m sitting here hard as a fucking rock for you, and you’re about to sit on my face and I-… I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m laughing. I didn’t mean to kill the mood.”

You smile and roll your eyes. “It’s okay, you haven’t killed the mood. I get it. I didn’t expect us to be here right now either. It’s a strange turn of events.”

“Yes and no. I mean, I didn’t expect my night to go like this, but what we’re doing feels right… doesn’t it? Like it’s been a long time coming?”

“Definitely,” you assure him.

He lies back again and you situate your knees on either side of his head while he skitters kisses along your inner thighs.

“Closer,” he murmurs the simple request, sounding more sure of himself now as he winds his arms around your legs to bring your hips down.

You spread your knees further on the bed to give him the access he needs. At the same time, you bring your face closer to his cock resting still and stiff against his stomach.

Just as you take the shaft into your hand, you feel him kiss the slit of your pussy almost preciously. Then the tip of his tongue wedges between the lips of your labia and licks a slow, firm stripe up the full length. He groans throatily as though the sensation is just as good for him as it is for you, and you quiver as he repeats the action twice more, each as slowly as the first time.

Not wanting to let him be the only one taking part in the action, you bend forward and swipe your tongue against the slit of his cock. The tang of his leaking precum melts on your tastebuds, and you dip your tongue for another taste, wrapping your lips snugly around his tip.

Jisung’s legs and hips shift on the bed as you take more of his cock into your mouth, and he grunts when your tongue slides around to press against the plump vein on the underside. You take him in until he reaches the start of your throat and stop there; you’re not in the mood to attempt to deep-throat him tonight. You’d like to leave at least _some_ of your mind focused on the feeling of his mouth on you, too.

He rolls his tongue in circles against your aching clit, taking care to stimulate every nerve ending while you bob your head up and down his length, coating it in saliva to make the glides easier. When he starts sucking on your swollen bud, you suck the head of his cock harder. The sounds of you licking and suckling on each other mingle in the air, occasionally broken by an errant moan or hiss from one of you.

Before the stirrings of your orgasm can really truly begin to build, Jisung paws at your hips in frustration and says, “God, fuck- I can’t focus on getting you off when your lips are on my dick. Sit up for me so I can eat you out properly.”

As delicious as that sounds for you too, your impatience is getting the better of you. You pull your mouth off his wet cock and propose, “Just get inside me already, as long as you can make me come.”

This time you’re the one making an offer that can’t be refused.

Jisung helps spin you back around and turn you over onto your back, then hovers closely above you from between your legs. His shiny lips ghost across yours, and you don’t even mind the light stickiness he leaves smeared behind with his kisses. “I will, I swear. I told you I’d make it good, didn’t I? And there’s no way I’m missing your ‘O’ face tonight.”

This time you _do_ mention it, and with a laugh. “How well can you even see me right now?”

“I can see you just fine, baby. You’re so gorgeous,” he repeats his earlier words in a whisper and runs a hand along your forehead, brushing your hair back. “So fucking perfect.” He withdraws his hand from your face to reach down and poise the head of his cock at your entrance. “You feel that, don’t you? That’s how bad I want you.”

“Jisung, please,” you whimper.

Not wasting another moment, he enters you slowly, and you savor the stretch of him, curling and uncurling your toes as the pleasurable tingling in your core shoots throughout your nerves. Jisung’s breath stutters as he pushes his way through your clenching walls.

Once he bottoms out to stuff you as full as you can get, he reaches down for your ankles and brings them up to hook around the small of his back. Then he takes your wrists and does the same with them around his neck. Finally, he rests his forehead against yours, all while buried to the hilt inside you.

“I want you to hold on to me while we make love, ___,” he says, eyes twinkling in the faint light. “And I want you to keep your eyes on me. Let me see and feel all of you. Will you do that for me?”

The way he’s been talking to you all night makes it hard for you to object - not that you want to.

You nod your head against his, but he still asks, “Yeah?”

“Yes,” you whisper, hugging your limbs around him tighter. “Please, Jisung. Take me already.”

He tilts his face to kiss you once again as he starts to move, carefully dragging the tip of his cock back to the edge of your core before plunging forward again. He rolls his hips steadily, gently rocking you against the mattress as he builds a pleasurable rhythm. He crushes his lips to yours with each retraction of his length to keep you from missing the feeling of him for too long, but you can hardly focus on kissing him back with the way you start to pant over every deep push.

His pace increases, your body temperature rises, the passion builds.

You move your hands to grip his shoulder blades as the sex intensifies, and you can feel the way the muscles in his back flex as he works you harder. He bows his knees outward to loosen your thighs around him just enough to open your legs a little wider, and the few centimeters of depth he gains feels like a mile.

“ _O-oh_ , fuck,” you swear under your breath. “Like that, Jisung. Don’t stop...”

He recreates the same motion again, and again, and again. His cock feels so thick and heavy moving between your snug walls. You can feel it pulsing inside you. Or perhaps that’s you pulsing around him. It’s hard to tell where you start and he ends when you’re fitted together so intimately.

The head of his cock nudges against the sweetest spot inside you, and you involuntarily break your promise to keep your eyes fixated on him when you tip your head back and moan in ecstasy. Jisung can tell what he has just done and works to keep your g-spot right on the end of his pistoning dick.

“Jesus Christ, the noises you’re making, baby.” He’s out of breath and his voice sounds worse for wear but still so sexy in its raspiness. “You’re gonna make me come soon just by moaning like that. _Fuck_ , you’re so wet. Fucking dripping all over...”

He wraps a hand around one of your raised knees to keep you spread the way he wants as he ruts into you. His pace starts stuttering the closer he gets to his climax. You can tell how close he is, and you’re desperate to catch up and meet him there.

“Jisung, not yet, not yet please. I’m almost there, I’m getting close,” you warn and promise him, swallowing hard through your own scratchy throat.

He swears something under his breath and lets go of your knee to dig his hand between your legs and play with your clit.

“Tell me when it’s right,” he says, entirely focused on your shivering form beneath him.

“Faster,” you instruct, and he speeds up. “Up a bit.” He drags his thumb a little higher, slipping barely under the hood of your clit. “A little more- there! Fuck, that’s it… do it harder- _ah!_ Keep going! Keep going!”

He rubs furiously at your sopping bud and diligently maintains his thrusts. The ringing slaps of his hips smacking against your soaked center almost drown out the moans spilling so freely from your mouth, but you’re not the only vocal one. Jisung, too, is groaning and hissing with every ounce of pressure your pussy is squeezing onto his pounding length.

“Look at me when you come,” he reminds you.

“I c-can’t… I can’t…”

“Too good, baby? Does it feel too good? It’s alright, just let me see you come then. Just fucking come all over me.”

You’re not sure which does it - his dirty urging or his thumb flicking another stroke against your clit or his cock plummeting into your g-spot - but it’s enough to tip you over the edge. Your orgasm rips through you with surprising force, and with how tight your pussy clenches and how hard and deep Jisung is inside you, it almost hurts, but you can’t recall the last time you had an orgasm this gratifying.

“Holy fuck, that’s it, ___, that’s it,” Jisung encourages, curling his other arm under your back to keep you as close to him as possible while you ride out your climax. “ _Mmh_ , Jesus fuck, you’re so tight… I’m gonna- I’m coming…”

He follows you onto cloud nine, pulsing inside you with a twitch of his stiff cock, expelling a load of warmth that spreads in ropes along your raw walls. He shudders and collapses onto your sweaty body as he continues to rock gently and wring out your shared ecstasy for as long as possible.

Eventually, when all the spasming subsides but the throbbing in your sexes is still present, he lifts himself back up on shaky arms to peer down at you. You whimper and your cunt clenches around him when he tries to withdraw from you.

“Shit, are you still coming, baby?” he breathes, pushing his spent cock forward again. He gives a few more ginger thrusts until the sensitivity of the sensation is more painful than pleasurable and his length goes too soft to stay inside.

He slumps beside you and gathers you in his arms under the sheets. He’s sweaty, too, and trembling all over from the exertion of the love-making. You nudge your face tiredly against his chin and he kisses your glistening forehead. You kiss his throat in return, and it bobs under your lips as he swallows hard.

When the haze of lust settles and fades into the post-orgasmic afterglow, you try to think of something to say to him, but words fail you. You want to tell him something - anything - before the night ends and this moment gets discarded into your pile of memories, but your eyelids and your limbs are so heavy, and the allure of sleep is so enticing, and you feel so safe and warm and cozy lying next to him…

* * *

The sound of incessant chirping outside your window rouses your mind. The caress of the sun’s warmth on your skin peels your eyelashes apart. The dull, lingering ache between your thighs brings a smile to your face.

Jisung is no longer in front of you, but the weight of his arm across your waist from behind you lets you know he has not left, which both surprises and delights you.

You stir gently so as not to wake him, but evidently you needn’t worry about that.

“You up?” he whispers.

“Mhm,” you murmur back groggily. “I’m up.”

He places a tender kiss on the back of your shoulder and asks if you slept well, to which you reply again in the affirmative.

“I have to go soon,” he says next. The reluctance in his tone tugs on your heart. “I’m in trouble with my bandmates, but I didn’t want to just leave you.”

You twist around to face him. His eyelids are still drowsy from slumber, but his eyes are brimming with affection.

“Good morning,” he greets, as though the two of you haven’t already been speaking.

You smile and push his tousled hair from his face. “’Morning. I’m glad you’re still here. Sorry you’re in trouble, though.”

“Don’t worry about it. I _am_ fucked, though, because I don’t know how I’m going to leave here and go back to not seeing you every day again.”

You giggle. “I don’t know how to help you with that. I wish I could.”

Jisung snuggles in closer and presses sweet, lazy kisses onto your lips. Several quiet moments go by while you simply bask in each other’s company for a while longer.

Finally, he says, “I hope you know… that last night wasn’t meant to just be a one-time thing for me. Like, it’s not something I just wanted to get out of my system. _You’re_ not something I just wanted to get out of my system.”

“I know.”

“I want us to be together,” he goes on.

“We are,” you tell him, running your knuckles across one of his cheeks. “I’m right here.”

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “You know what I mean.”

You stare into his eyes until a shade of doubt and uncertainty starts to creep into them, then say, “I want us to be together, too.”

“Like, officially?”

You can’t help but laugh. “What does that even mean? I just want to be with you, Jisung. I want to be by your side whenever possible and miss you when you’re not here. I want to wake up next to you in the mornings like this after we’ve spent all night having sex or just binge-watching movies. I want to tease you for saying dumb shit and hold your hand in public and go back to having you as my best friend because I’ve learned that I _can_ live without you, but life was always brighter with you in it.”

Jisung gulps and smiles in relief at your heartfelt little spiel. “Well I think that sounds exactly like what I want, too. I think that sounds perfect.”

You roll on top of him and kiss him again. He grunts a noise that could be a warning but takes hold of your hips nonetheless, and his cock stirs to attention against your thigh.

“Think I can convince you to stay just a little longer?” you whisper, nipping at his earlobe and delighting in the way it makes him shiver. “I’ll make it quick.”

He sits up and hugs his arms around your back to pull your chest flush against him, staring deep into your eyes. “Quick or not, doesn’t matter to me. I’ll stay with you as long as you want.”

* * *

_Copyright © 2021 ditzymax. All rights reserved._


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